Forgetting the past

I sit down to write and I'm not sure where to start. I am so embarrassed of myself. I feel I embarrass all of you. I hope that's not true, but I have let myself believe it. At some point I gave up, on keeping myself up. (For no better word). I have been thinking a lot about that this winter, trying to pin point that time. I know it started when we moved to Pleasant View and when I started working at Morton. I can't blame any one thing, just as I can't blame any one person, except myself. It escaleted when I went back to work here in Cedar. I had no fight left in me, which you need to have to compete at work. Confidence to stand against the crazies, who just want to compete at work for a good job. I can't even blame them. I just wanted to go to work and mind my own business. Well, that can look like weakness and it can eventually drive a person crazy. I didn't like it, but I made myself that way. Oh, I did my job the best I could, but I spoke negatively to myself. All the things I knew where only what the devil wanted me to feel, he planted the seed and I watered it on a daily basis. I gave in to it. Then freedom, I was laid off. Halleluiah!! Time to do what I had always dreamed of doing. Seeing grandbabies more and my own sweet babies, sewing, getting my house in order, getting thin again. But for some strange reason I was about to self-destruct. I completely froze up. I was giving advice and not practicing any of it. Where did my fighting spirit go?
Well, no more!! My phrase for the year is "Fighting Spirit." I am not going down quietly. I have 6 beautiful and amazing children, 6 just as beautiful and amazing grandbabies, and a sweet husband who has stuck with me, and I love dearly. So girls, no more looing back, no more telling myself I can't, no more telling myself all my loved ones, living and passed on, must be so disappointed in me, and no more telling myself I'm not good enough to deserve better!! Wasn't I just telling myself, I don't deserve to be happy? What's up with that? I had lost even my faith that Heavenly Father loved me.
I love my family so much!! I want to be a better support system to you. I'm sorry for letting you down at times or not being the stronger support you have needed. I ask you for your forgiveness and am looking forward to strengthening my "Fighting Spirit."
So, I am working on a better way to eat. Fruits, veggies, no sugar, (except Sunday dessert and if I'm weak one day I'm not going to give up), very little starchy carbs., and off I go.
I went once to the gym with Michelle, but I need a schedule, so I can stay on track. (And I want to have your Dad go with me at least 3 times a week, he's just waiting for someone to say, let's go). I'm buying that book Angie, I thought that would help. I love you all so much!! Thank you for being my good examples and my strength. I can't wait to have a great year and build my "Fighting Spirit." Love you, Mom

Oh! The Pain

Worked out to the "Cindy Crawford" video last night!!! Ouch!!!

Worked out to Tea Boe Advanced workout on Thursday!!! Double Ouch!!!

Tonight??? Maybe Mina??? Triple Ouch!!


That is all.

Over and out! :)