I love you guys!!

Hey awesome women aka Mom, Karen,Angie, Michelle and I guess myself. Mom I am so proud of you and always have been, you are an amazing woman who has come through so many trials and turned out the better. I look up to you and know you can do whatever you want!!! Karen you are amazing because no matter what you will go running and you LOVE it!!! AH!!!! I wish I could be like that. Angie you are amazing because you never give up and you always keep trying. You are going to be running and walking in no time!! Michelle is amazing because she always makes time to take care of herself, which all of us forget to do. I am amazing because I have amazing sisters who are the best examples to me in the world. IF only I could be more like them, I am amazing though really because I try to not give up ha ha ha see I can't even be nice to myself. :) well I would like to say I never give up but I have but my redeeming quality is that if I did give up I try again later.

So now I'm pregy again and eating way more then I should and using the pregy excuse. At first it really is just like a coping mechanism but now I know I could lay off some of the bad stuff. I really don't want to gain 40 pounds again. I want to be active during the summer.
Goal one:
I want to go biking with Aubrey, I need to get one of those trailers though.
Goal Two:
I want to go swimming with Aubrey and our neighbors at Connie's home. (And anywhere else like with cousins :)
Goal Three:
I want to have a positive attitude about being FAT during summer :)
I love you ladies and like I said yes I have not been the best at this but I'm still trying.
Love you
oh ps MOM love the picture you're so adorable.

Aaaaagh!!!! Six weeks, until Michelle's wedding. I've decided to use this timeline as a personal deadline for 20 lbs. I know I can do this. I'm going to be busy doing things, so it will keep me occupied. Carrots will be my best friend.
I'm feeling very excited!!
"Remember the white knuckle grip" I can do this.
To that "Fighting Spirit!!"

Don't know if I can do this?

Forgetting the past

I sit down to write and I'm not sure where to start. I am so embarrassed of myself. I feel I embarrass all of you. I hope that's not true, but I have let myself believe it. At some point I gave up, on keeping myself up. (For no better word). I have been thinking a lot about that this winter, trying to pin point that time. I know it started when we moved to Pleasant View and when I started working at Morton. I can't blame any one thing, just as I can't blame any one person, except myself. It escaleted when I went back to work here in Cedar. I had no fight left in me, which you need to have to compete at work. Confidence to stand against the crazies, who just want to compete at work for a good job. I can't even blame them. I just wanted to go to work and mind my own business. Well, that can look like weakness and it can eventually drive a person crazy. I didn't like it, but I made myself that way. Oh, I did my job the best I could, but I spoke negatively to myself. All the things I knew where only what the devil wanted me to feel, he planted the seed and I watered it on a daily basis. I gave in to it. Then freedom, I was laid off. Halleluiah!! Time to do what I had always dreamed of doing. Seeing grandbabies more and my own sweet babies, sewing, getting my house in order, getting thin again. But for some strange reason I was about to self-destruct. I completely froze up. I was giving advice and not practicing any of it. Where did my fighting spirit go?
Well, no more!! My phrase for the year is "Fighting Spirit." I am not going down quietly. I have 6 beautiful and amazing children, 6 just as beautiful and amazing grandbabies, and a sweet husband who has stuck with me, and I love dearly. So girls, no more looing back, no more telling myself I can't, no more telling myself all my loved ones, living and passed on, must be so disappointed in me, and no more telling myself I'm not good enough to deserve better!! Wasn't I just telling myself, I don't deserve to be happy? What's up with that? I had lost even my faith that Heavenly Father loved me.
I love my family so much!! I want to be a better support system to you. I'm sorry for letting you down at times or not being the stronger support you have needed. I ask you for your forgiveness and am looking forward to strengthening my "Fighting Spirit."
So, I am working on a better way to eat. Fruits, veggies, no sugar, (except Sunday dessert and if I'm weak one day I'm not going to give up), very little starchy carbs., and off I go.
I went once to the gym with Michelle, but I need a schedule, so I can stay on track. (And I want to have your Dad go with me at least 3 times a week, he's just waiting for someone to say, let's go). I'm buying that book Angie, I thought that would help. I love you all so much!! Thank you for being my good examples and my strength. I can't wait to have a great year and build my "Fighting Spirit." Love you, Mom

Oh! The Pain

Worked out to the "Cindy Crawford" video last night!!! Ouch!!!

Worked out to Tea Boe Advanced workout on Thursday!!! Double Ouch!!!

Tonight??? Maybe Mina??? Triple Ouch!!


That is all.

Over and out! :)